Yesterday, in my journal, I wrote, very specifically, even emphatically, that what I really wanted was some alone time, just me, myself and I time.
I’m really not that sociable.
And sometimes I just want to be alone.
In fact, I really enjoy being alone…
…when it’s a choice.
I’ve been socializing lately. Dog owners will be familiar with the term. We often refer to socializing our dogs. I’ve been socializing my dog. That dog, the one that I call the Time Thief, the one that invades just about every landscape photo I take. That dog.
It started with taking him to the dog park. He’s not a dog park dog. The rough and tumble within the gates is too much rough and tumble, so I worked with him on the other side of the fence. Now that’s a lonely experience, and not the welcome variety, being literally on the wrong side of the fence while everyone else mixes and mingles.
So I started a dog meet-up group. And, surprise! People are coming out to meet with me. Wow! It’s been awesome, wow! Did I say wow? It’s not every day that I meet with a new person, and now I’m meeting lots (one new person counts as lots in my world) so while it’s been wonderful it can also be a lot to take in.
I’m socially awkward, yeah, I know, who isn’t, secretly we all call ourselves that. But I’m the one who either says nothing at all to you, like super rude, or won’t shut up and it’s all about me, me, me, blah blah blah – I’m the one who not only forgets your name, I forgot to ask you in the first place after you asked me mine, yeah, and I’ll know, sooner or later, that I was doing it all wrong, and how embarrassing is that, and I’ll run all my social faux pas through my head, leaving me in serious need of me, myself and I time... Did I say it was my dog that needs socialization???
So this is what I wrote in my journal: Today I met someone new to dog walk with, I’m becoming almost social. Tomorrow I plan to walk alone, just me myself and I, plus Sonic. I need a day off from humans.
And this is what happened afterwards.
I went for a walk in the woods, after dark, to, you know, be alone. I drove to the woods, no distractions, falling darkness, traces of snow to light the way. I walked, alone, in the dark.
It felt great.
Then I ran into Monkey, and Monkey’s owner. And I have no clue who Monkey’s owner is, except male, but Monkey’s a Malinois x German Shepherd and a little shy and paranoid after dark and friendly and playful with weirdo’s like me that just yap away with said owner. So much for alone time—but I’m a sucker for a cute dog.
But there’s always tomorrow.
And tomorrow came, with rain and fog. Excellent weather for me myself and I time, right? Even dog walkers skip the lousy days, right? Surely, no one would be using the park, in the damp and dark and gloom, right?
I’d have all that trampled grass and greasy slush to myself.
And the park was predictably delightfully empty when I arrived, as expected. And the fog was ethereal, and the silence sublime, and I had the place all to myself, until I didn’t.
Her name was Charlotte—she told me so. She was there with her dad. She didn’t take no for an answer, because regardless of how much I pretended not to hear her calling out “hello, hello, hello” she kept saying. So much for a day all by myself.
And it was magical. Did I say magical? That over-used word of rainbows, unicorns and fairy dust? Of standing in the fog shrouded park I traded smiles and chats with strangers, and Sharlotte (because we didn’t get into spelling, who knows) grasped my hand and had us running running running, through the park until I was breathless and we had to stop. It was exhilarating and it was fun, and yes, magical and the brief human exchange of joy made the desired solitude, once delivered, richer, deeper, fuller.
Me, myself and I time is better when backed by others.
PS: this post has now been ported to where it belongs, my journalling blog http://kaslkaos.blogspot.com , art, journalling, prose, whatever.
